1. Small boy with a gigantic toy
Wood starts early at playing with fire
2. Four intransigeant years as a student at Harvard
Wood beards his professors and dreams a dream
3. Alarms, excursions, and explosions at Johns Hopkins
Ending in early marriage and a job at the University of Chicago
4. Escapades and studies in Berlin
Wood sits in at the birth of x rays and takes to the air in a glider
5. Wild-goose flight to Siberia
And return from studies abroad to a job in Wisconsin
6. Wood as campus wizard, thawer of pipes, driver of steam wagons, Roman senator
7. Wood begins his great work with the spectroscope
Becomes grandfather to Mickey Mouse
And lectures before the Royal Society
8. Early years as a professor at Johns Hopkins
Great discoveries and Promethean celebrations
9. High lights, side lights and high jinks at Johns Hopkins in the years between 1905-1910
10. Wood sets up the Mercury telescope in a cowshed
And puts the famous cat in the barn spectroscope
11. Wood turns his sabbaticals into triennials, stands where Faraday stood, and is all over the map
12. Wood as a poet and author
Or the splendors and miseries of a scientist who strayed into popular literary fields
13. Wood tunes in on the World War
Invents new methods of warfare, including trained seals to chase submarines
14. Wood joins the army as a "sheep in wolves' clothing" and becomes "a hell of a major" overseas
15. The Woods cover the world
The barn spectroscope moves to a palace
And pussycat loses her job
16. How Wood solved the mystery of King Tutankhamen's purple gold
With the aid of his wife's nail polish
17. Wood as a debunker of scientific cranks and frauds
An his war with the mediums
A great, scientific detective solves bomb and murder mysteries in real life
19. Wood turns a white girl black
Continues his mighty labors
Travels and collects his medals
20. Wood as a boomerang thrower
As Amanuensis to a thunderbolt
And as an amateur infant psychologist
21. Wood in the bosom of his family
Or how the Woods take care of their prodigy.
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